I understand

I've come a long way in this emotional journey. I never really understood why everyone else around me was getting pregnant until today. I know it was The Lord speaking to me telling me to be patient and wait on his timing. He has it all under control. Yes, I've heard this more times than I can count. I never really listened and understood. It's because I didn't like the answer. I am not a patient person. I want results. My Pastor chatted with me a few months ago about this and he told me that this was a trial that God was putting me through. My thoughts were..oh just a trial ok..thanks! I recently met with a counselor to help me manage my stress level and my infertility came up. She listened to everything I had to say and then told me to honestly think about the place I am in now. With all the stress and the financial issues putting a baby in the mix she asked me what would a baby do to me? It was really the 1st time I actually stopped and thought about it. Yes, I would manage. I always do, but would I go insane in the process from exhaustion? I absolutely would. I woke up this morning with the verse from Psalms on my mind. That's why I posted it on FB today. The one verse.."Be Still and know that I am God" kept screaming out to me. Be Still..I admit I haven't been still. I want what I want, when I want it. Well, I understand now. I truly do understand. I will wait and be patient, though it will be such a struggle for me. I know I will have days where I will be screaming saying c'mon God I'm ready now. He knows the plan for my life and knows the answer to my question..when? I haven't been going through any fertility treatments since my last post on my blog. Honestly, I don't know when I will start back and if I will even need them. I'm putting my faith in God an trusting in his promise for my life. He knows the desires of my heart to be a mom and I know one day he will bless Josh and I with that precious baby. For now...I wait.